The author of the bestselling Facing Codependence unravels the intricate dynamics of toxic love relationships and shows us how to let go of toxic love. In this revised and updated edition of Facing Love Addiction, internationally recognised dependence and addiction authority Pia Mellody clearly outlines the debilitating 'toxic' patterns played out by love addicts and the unresponsive love avoidants to whom they are painfully and repeatedly drawn.
Great Truth! October 22, 2008 This book gave me the power to see why I constantly am in dysfunctional relationships where people treat me as worthless and why I tolerate it AND continue to make the same mistakes. This book I could not put down because it explained me for the first time in my life. there is empowerment in knowing the truth so you can be set free. If we never know or understand we stay in bondage and the same old cycle and patterns of life. I am confident with what I have learned about me that I will be able to move forward, receive healing and change and maybe finally be whole and healthy in my life and relationships and choices. Great Book!
Terrifically Useful Framing of the Problem September 9, 2008 1 out of 1 found this review helpful
For the school-trained psychologist or Psy.D., FLA may be flawed by post-millennial standards, but not very. Though a first-rate clinician, Mellody seems not to care about "conflicting attachment schemes," "dissociative identity" or "borderlne personality organization." Much of what professionals have been taught about the etiology of identity enmeshment really doesn't matter to the lay reader.
Mellody sees the common, seducer-rejector flip-flopping in the love addicts and love avoidants who are usually one and the same person, but does not emphasize it to the extent many others do (see Benjamin, Bockian, Kluft, Linehan, Gunderson, Mason, Masterson, Millon, Preston, Putnam, and Stone).
While more attention to the "splitting" that's so common in these people might have been helpful, Mellody may well have elected to avoid the issue for a good reason. It might have been too much of a "sharp stick in the eye" and "get in the way."
Mellody's views were formed in the trenches at The Meadows in Wickenburg, AZ, where thousands have sat (as well as twisted, squirmed and bawled) through five days of self-revelation called "survivors' week." Mellody specializes in opening Pandora's various boxes, and one of them is child abuse. She knows that if sex was part of it, love addiction and love avoidance -- and dissociative identity -- will often follow.
As was the case with her hugely successful Facing Codependence (1989), Mellody's approach is more theoretical, purposeful and direct than Beattie's (Codependent No More, Beyond Codependency) vis the bigger subject, and Schaef's in her Escape from Intimacy (1987), as well as Peele's and Norwood's earlier work on the narrower concept of obsessive romance.
It's also -far- more organized, understandable and utilitarian. The result is psychoeducation and bibliotherapy at its finest for the early 1990s.
The troubled reader -will- come away with a firm grasp of the specific topic of delusional romance addiction (this is -not- a book about -sex- addiction; for that see Carnes). And most will see themselves in the mirror. Insofar as the "contemplation," "identification" and "acceptance" phases of treatment for interpersonal issues are concerned, Mellody has no equals that I know of.
Nor will the 57-page workbook section fail to produce results in those areas, as well as, to some degree, in the "commitment" and "relapse prevention" phases. Mellody's methods may be highly experiential and "onion-peeling" during Survivors' Week, but here she is a cognitivist offering a dozen different exercises aimed at labeling, framing, belief examination and appraisal schemes.
What I hope for in a future edition is 1) the same fine examination of the syndromes, and 2) a simpler, more accessable, user-friendly and faster acting set of cognitive-behavioral exercises based on methods developed by Albert Ellis, Aaron Beck, Arthur Freeman, Martin Seligman, Jeffrey Young, Richard Wessler and the like.
Why re-invent the wheel? The "thought-questioning" exercises of this type are easy to learn and adapt, highly self-empowering, rewarding, motivating, and, above all, -effective-. The TQ methods of cognitive-behavioral and/or rational-emotive therapy produce emotional comfort, as well as attitudinal and behavioral change, -very- rapidly.
Those taught to use TQ will benefit hugely from -this- very effectively presented description of The Problem, however. As is the case with Facing Codependence, this is -great- stuff.
hated this book July 17, 2008 5 out of 6 found this review helpful
i hated this book. blames everything on a screwed up childhood & tells you to get counseling. the author doesnt offer any other explanation as to why you love people who dont love you back. dont pay full price for this book if you want to read it.
facing love addiction July 13, 2008 2 out of 2 found this review helpful
Excellent and helpful information about dysfunctional codependent intimate relationships. Great for people in recovery from substance abuse as well as others suffering from relationship problems. Sexist cultural influences not discussed but the useful information outweighs the deficits. Recommended for all readers interested in having healthier, happier and more mature relationships. Helpful for counselors working with adults or teens with relationship challenges.
Simple and astounding May 12, 2008 2 out of 2 found this review helpful
My beloved yoga teacher recommended I read this.
I highly recommend this book.
Personally, it has been a profound experience. I can now see this is a pattern of behavior that others have gone through as well.
I have felt alone. and reading this book has given me assurance and the ground work for change, for growth and healing. It is simple enough to read in a couple of days, but i have reread it several times now. and am working the suggested exercises.
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