Customer Reviews: Read 23 more reviews...
  A must read for any thinker or tryer November 20, 2008
I'm a tryer now, but as soon as I realized I wasn't the only single woman thinking about having children on my own I bought this book. Ms. Mattes is the brave woman who made our cause a public one and opened the doors that I am able to freely walk through in my journey. Her detailed examination of the subject, and practical answers to many of the worries that plagued me in the thinking stage are what make this book one of the must-haves on the subject. I think she might want to publish a new edition every few years just to catch up with the public opinion part of the story, but for the most part, the information is enduring. Add this to your collection as you think, and it will be a resource through all the stages of your journey.
 Only for women with exceptionally good resources July 31, 2008
I'm a single mother, and daily, I speak with other single mothers. My sense is that this book softpedals the financial vulnerability of single motherhood to a degree that is less than responsible, and women considering this option should understand that the mere fact of being a mother can damage the financial security they have as childless women. It's an important consideration if you're going to be raising a child on your own.
While it's true in general that mothers have a tough go balancing demands of work and family, married or not, the presumption in the professional world is that you will find someone to look after your child whenever necessary. If meetings run late, so be it. If you're needed at 10 pm, that's when the job is. In a two-parent family, that "someone" is usually a spouse; in a one-parent family, if there is no "someone"...well, there are good reasons why the majority of single-parent households are low-income, and it isn't all to do with educational level of the mother. I know enough BA- and MA-level single moms on food stamps. So any woman considering doing this solo should think very hard about these issues:
1. You will probably not be able to stay late at work or come in on weekends.
2. You will have to leave whenever the nanny doesn't show, the daycare is closed, or the child is ill.
3. You will have a tough time socializing with your coworkers. Yes, you can find sitters (more work, doing that, and expensive), but after your baby's been in care all day, you probably don't want to stick her with someone else for another 3-4 hours so you can go out with the group.
4. If there's no at-school aftercare available for school-aged kids, you will likely have to go pick up the child and ferry her to another place. You will not be able to rely on paid care to show up responsibly. Will your boss accommodate your leaving for an hour every midafternoon?
5. Finding care for a child while you travel on business is extremely difficult. Expect it to fall through. And no, you cannot stash the child in the hotel room the whole time, either.
6. Your mother is older, more tired, less rich, less well, and more worried than you think. Do not expect her to be magic backup childcare on a regular basis.
7. You're going to be _exhausted_. Result: 20somethings will go rocketing past you even though you're struggling to catch up on work at 2 am.
8. "Family-friendly" is a euphemism. My ex-sister-in-law is a lawyer in a "family friendly" firm and type of law. Result: She only works 14-hour days for a few months out of the year. Daycare doesn't last for 14 hours. And if you want a new world of worry, welcome to Nannyworld, where you hire semi-educated, underpaid (yet very expensive) young women who don't quite know what they're doing with their lives yet, but have a lot of time free for childcare. For now.
9. Moving for a job is not as easy as you think when you're uprooting a child. Consider that there will be no one else around who is familiar, no one else to help the child adjust, but these traumas come precisely when you'll need to put in as much time as possible establishing yourself in a new job. You'll also lose whatever support network you've built and will have to start fresh. So unless your industry is large and resilient where you live, finding work after job loss may be more difficult than you think.
10. Forget about being depressed after all that. You have no time and it's no good for your kid.
11. If your child turns out to be special-needs, your career is done. You'll scrape by on the side as a sort of adjunct or consultant, when you have time and energy, and if you can find a niche where reliability is not paramount.
In other words, if you are a professional single woman whose talent does not write its own ticket, you can expect solo motherhood to make your professional life very, very difficult. You can also expect to look like hell a lot of the time. In some businesses that doesn't matter, but in others it does.
If you have lots of money, or a big rich sane family that likes you, and good strong family support, I'd say you're a good candidate. Same if you're in a social-welfare Northern European state with excellent childcare, other state benefits, and job protection for mothers. If not, well, I think you're asking for trouble and an awful lot of stress. If it were just you living with the stress, that'd be one thing, but your child runs a good risk of growing up with one very stressed and vulnerable adult, and no one else. And that to me is not such a great idea.
The attitude I've seen at SMBC is "Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained!" and there's something to it. However, the downside is very, very large if you lose, and not just for you. The risks are not small, either.
This book should be bundled with Ann Crittenden's _The Price of Motherhood_, and Joan Williams's _Unbending Gender_, imo.
 Consider Your Options June 27, 2008
Here's a helpful book for women who might be considering parenthood, even if they aren't currently married or in a committed relationship. The author highlights pros and cons of single mothering, although she tends to view the process from a highly positive, at times naive, viewpoint.
Useful as you consider your options. Interesting and well-written.
See below for a book about raising your kids as a single mom.
Barbara Sheldon, M.S.W.
I also highly recommend: Raising Great Kids on Your Own: A Guide and Companion for Every Single Parent
Single Mothers by Choice April 8, 2008
I found this book to be very informative and helpful. It was easy to read and understand.
Detailed Information February 9, 2008
0 out of 1 found this review helpful
This book opens your eyes into the world of Single Mothers. It gives step by step information on how to deal with the process of becoming a single mother. It talks about the avenues one faces to get pregnant and beyond.
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