Product Description "He doesn't mean to hurt me-he just loses control." "He can be sweet and gentle." "He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he's a great father." "He's had a really hard life..."
Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:
? The early warning signs ? Nine abusive personality types ? How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will ? The role of drugs and alcohol ? What can be fixed, and what can't ? How to leave a relationship safely
Eye opening book... November 13, 2008 I would recommend this book to anyone that is facing the abuse that Mr. Bancroft writes about.
Astonishingly insightful November 9, 2008 I am a lawyer and have worked in the criminal justice system ever since graduating from law school. I have defended men who were charged in domestic violence related offenses. I was always under the misguided perception that domestic violence was about someone being physically harmed by an intimate partner. I was so misguided that when I, myself, became involved with someone who was controlling, evil, and abusive, I did not recognize it for what it was. This book opened my eyes. It validated my feelings and experiences and pointed out to me what it was I was going through.
I dated a very dangerous man for six months. At first I thought his behaviors were "quirky" or that he was a lot more sensitive than anyone I have ever dated in the past. However, in such a short time, his charm changed from concern for my safety to monitoring my every move. He constantly accused me of having affairs, of emailing ex-boyfriends, and of having "no honor." During the short duration of the relationship, he went so far as to try and ruin my legal career by saying disparaging things about my character to my employers, isolating me from my friends and family, throwing knives across the room into the wall to intimidate me, and talking about having a suicide pact. Afterward he would always seem so sincere and apologize, and in attempts to garner sympathy, would blame his behaviors on the fact that no one understood him and that he had such a horrible childhood. However, after reading this book, I realized that all of his behaviors were for the sole purpose of manipulation, control, and isolation. He wanted to take me away from everything in my life that was safe for me so that the only person I could rely on was him. He actually tried to destroy my career. After blaming myself for not being sensitive enough to his quirks and not giving him enough slack for his violent and abusive childhood, I realized that whatever I did or however lenient I was about his behavior, he was already damaged. Just as Lundy states, because he cannot 100% recognize that he is a perpetrator of domestic violence and control, he will never change. In his mind, his actions are always justified as he is the victim and everyone else is the perpetrator.
I read this book in one day. Everything in this book made sense and related almost specifically to the most harrowing six months of my life. I realize now I am lucky to be alive. Our breakup culminated with him smashing my computer after accusing me of having an affair and then trying to smother me. Thank you for helping me realize that I did nothing to cause his actions. Reading this book has helped me understand that it was not my fault.
Domestic violence does not happen only to "certain types" of people. It can happen to anyone - regardless of education, status, or age.
Helped me to understand that being abused was not my fault October 24, 2008 This last months I have been in recovery after being emmotionally abused for 8+ years, this book helped me to understand that being abused was not my fault, also to understand why we will never change abusive people unless they by their on innitiative want to change. And also give me the strength to stop my ex-husband's abuse, even after I'm divorced the abuse continued after that. I had the courage to stop him because know I plenity understand the dynamics of abuse. Good book.
Great book! September 11, 2008 "Why Does He Do That" is a very insightful book that has answered many questions for me. It's easy to read and hard to put down. I highly recommend it to everyone.
Hmmm I Did'nt Know That Was Abuse.... September 5, 2008 Hello. I really like the straight forward approach Lundy uses in the book. I had no idea so many behaviors were abusive..until now. The book puts things into perspective. He covers a lot and many circomstanses were not for me, but over all the book was very informative and supportive for the woman who is in an abusive relationship and doesn't know it and for the ones who know and just need to see it in print. The book offers clear boundaries and clear ways in which to handle each situation and the serious reasons why action needs to take place in most abusive situations. Overall very informative, supportive and clear.
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