Product Description I n this edition of his parenting classic, Michael Gurian considers how the culture has changed in the ten years since The Wonder of Boys was first published, including the impact of the Internet.
Amazon.com Review In the thoughtful and provocative The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors, and Educators Can Do to Shape Boys into Exceptional Men, therapist and educator Michael Gurian takes a close look at modern boyhood. Gurian asserts that the biological and neurological differences between boys and girls need to be accounted for and nourished in order to raise healthy, happy boys. In discussing boy culture--and the roles of competition, aggression, and physical risk taking--the author concludes, "It's not boy culture that's inherently flawed; it's the way we manage it." If the natural, testosterone-based impulses of boys are squelched or ignored, Gurian posits, such biological truths may find their way to the surface in other, more negative behaviors. He suggests that boys do best when they are part of a "tribe," three families that include: a birth or adoptive family; an extended family of friends, teachers, peers, and mentors; and the "family" of outside culture, media, religious institutions, and community figures. The Wonder of Boys offers advice on how to understand and build strong father/son and mother/son relationships, stresses the importance of healthy discipline, and suggests methods of teaching boys about sex, relationships, and spirituality. Parents and teachers of boys will find this book to be an insightful read. --Ericka Lutz
lots of redundancy, but some useful advice September 26, 2008 2 out of 2 found this review helpful
When my son was about to be born, I panicked, because I thought I would not know how to give a good upbringing to a boy. I have only a sister and my husband is an only child. We discussed the issue a lot and we sometimes had different views on how to deal with boys, to do everything to make our son happy and fulfilled. So - we decided to buy a book and chose "The Wonder of Boys".
The book is not bad, but it is not very good. First of all, there is nothing new in the notion that boys are different from girls and that testosterone is physiologically responsible for these obvious differences, boys being more competitive and aggressive etc. Many things described by the author are obvious and instinctive. I would be happy to see more scientific dissection of the differences, something similar to "Brain Sex" by Anne Moir and David Jessel (a really valuable book, by the way), but with the focus on children and the education of boys. The "old-new" rules of the boys' education and need for the male presence in their lives, the importance of the group, sports and discipline, are nicely presented at the beginning, but later on the book gets very repetitive, full of redundant information and artificially blown out of proportion. Maybe the purpose was to make the reader memorize the rules subconsciously (after all, it is one of the therapy principles, I think). For me, it just made the book boring and I could not help thinking it would be much more useful in a form of an article or essay. It seems to me more like an introduction to Gurian's guidelines, more developed in his later books on various aspects of the boys' character and education.
There is some advice I found good there, though: the rules for disciplining the boys at different stages of life, the details of the father's role, the discussion on spanking, the teaching of morals and spirituality. I could do without superficial examples from the world cultures.
I did not find this book particularly challenging for feminism, on the contrary, I think it presents reasonably the roles of both parents and the methods for building the family life beneficial for the offspring, which happens to be male.
Altogether, I rate "The Wonder of Boys" at three stars, it is neither outstanding, nor hopeless, but the useful advice needs to be extracted from a lot of meaningless words and the book could only benefit from being more concise and to the point.
Fantastic Book August 31, 2008 As the mother of three boys I've read a lot of books to gain a better insight into their minds and hearts. This is by far the best book I've read on the subject. I understand some feminist types are offended by the notion that a father is an important (if not the most important figure) in a boy's life and cannot be replaced by the mother and they have attacked this author. To them I say, Get a life.
I highly recommend this book for anyone who is not a wild-eyed, angry feminist.
Must read, just keep perspective April 1, 2008 A friend lent my husband and I this book. She has two boys as do we. She won't be getting the book back, I'm online now to buy her a new one. Very inciteful, particulary for me growing up with the theory, women and men can be the same in everything. The idea that through nurture we were teaching women a different role. This book changed my perspective. One negative: The book is preachy in regards to religion and male bonding groups. My husband decided to skip some of that. I read it, found it interesting, but like all books, I'm taking the parts that apply to my situation. The rest I'll leave out. A true must read if you have or care for boys.
Repetitious, inane, lacks credibility for "scientific data" February 6, 2008 1 out of 2 found this review helpful
When I started reading this book, I had some serious concerns about some of the language used to explain male behavior. He often alludes to the fact that if we don't learn how to accept and deal with innate "maleness" that is entirely driven by biology that boys will not only act out, but that they will also resent us, make us (parents, other adults, society as a whole) targets and even seek revenge on us. Yes, he does use some of those words. This just sounded extreme to me and also much of the "data" and "facts" about supposed male/female brain differences seemed to conflict with what I had learned in college psy classes--but I am no expert on this, so I consulted my dear friend, a Ph.D. in psychology who is teaching college courses on gender studies and who has access to the most current research. She says most of the main biological facts Gurian bases this book on are wrong and those that are correct are being incorrectly interpreted.
But I really wanted to think this guy did have some valuable insights and answers to what I do agree is a crisis in today's boy culture. So I visited the website for his Institute and only found myself wondering WHERE are his credentials? What makes him qualified to synthesize all this research and data that he supposedly has used to build his arguments? He name drops a lot of psychologists in the book, but if you look into their work, many of them actually conflict with Gurian. It doesn't add up.
The book is also repetitious and includes anecdotes from parents that couldn't possibly be anything but the most extreme situations--like the mother who gives her son dolls thinking that's all she has to do to make him a "sensitive" boy only to find that he rips them apart.
Furthermore, once you distill it down to the main points (which he really likes to do--without citing sources or providing much other information to support the points), what he concludes boys need is all just common sense and it's no different from what girls need--because it's basically what all CHILDREN need to become emotionally whole and healthy. I am sorry I spent money on this book and wasted time that I could have spent with my son instead of reading misguided advice about how to relate to him.
Prove the author wrong January 14, 2008 I am so glad a psychologist recommended this book to me. I understand better both my husband and my son and they have responded with more respect and appreciation of me. My love for them has become more unconditional. I don't get offended by some things as I used to because understanding where it comes from makes me more patient.
Try applying his ideas with your kids for a week or two...Let's accept our kids as they are and not by what's politically correct.
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